Psychological violence by women, the Courts and the CSA against fathers.

Domestic violence and abuse can happen to anyone, yet the problem is often overlooked, excused, or denied. This is especially true when the abuse is psychological, rather than physical. Emotional abuse is often minimized, yet it can leave deep and lasting scars. It is recognised psychological violence often escalates into physical abuse and even murder, be it by the abuser or abused. (We have all heard of cases where an abused person has been granted immunity from serving a gaol term for killing their abusive partner.)

Considering the relative size of the average man compared with the average woman, men can inflict more pain with their fists than women can and are more able to restrain an abusive partner. Women tend to lash out emotionally and psychologically. Studies have suggested that up 40% of men have been physically abused by their partners and up to 90% of men have experienced psychological abuse of varying degrees. Abused men can experience emotional hurt, helplessness, fear, sadness, anger, stress, revenge seeking, shame and humiliation, depression, psychological distress, and psychosomatic symptoms.

The recognition of physical domestic violence gained momentum in the 1970's, laws made and numerous studies undetaken. On the other hand, psychological violence remains very much neglected. This year, France is to become the first country in the world to ban 'psychological violence' within marriage. The law is expected to cover every kind of insult including repeated rude remarks about a partner's appearance, false allegations and threats of physical violence. This law applies to both men and women equally.

Like Frances new law, domestic violence research generally has been confined to people in relationships. I have been unable to find any studies that focus on the psychological violence that goes on during separation proceedings, custody and child support battles. Anyone who has gone through the Family Court or the CSA process can tell you psychological violence is well and truly alive, being encouraged by these institutions and it's followers.

It is said over 70% of women involved in contested child custody cases accuse their former partner of violence, that around 90% of these accusers fabricate the accusations to benefit their case. In a number of States and Territories, a women whom sucessfuly obtains a Domestic Violence Order or Restraining Order against their former spouse, are eligible for free or low cost legal representation. That the courts will grant an immediate interim Restraining Order and continuance, even if at contested hearing the accusations are proven false, on the mere heresay the woman 'fears' her ex may become violent. Given such orders, the father may find himself homeless or couch surfing, facing an uncertain future, paying for legal representation or having to self represent, the mother interim custody of the children, Women utilising free legal representation account for more court appearances, often with a subtle vindictive or vexatious nature. Any property settlement remains in limbo pending on outcome of child custody case, debts such as a mortgage most likely paid by the father.

A survey done by Cosmopolitan magazine a few years ago had thousands of repsondents. It concluded women were responsible for nearly 90% of relationship breakdowns, the main reason given due to 'falling out of love'. It found that women planned their separation up to two years before doing so, were usually fully briefed on what to expect and what processes to follow. Around 85% of these women believed their partner were taken by 'total surprise' at their ending the relationship.

The average guy who finds himself in a custody battle, in what he believes to be in the best interest of the children, is likely to have suffered from psychological abuse in his former relationship and remains affected by it. The abuse escalates through false accusations and they given credence by the justice system. His former partner continues the harassment through excessive court appearances. His character soiled, bank account diminished, loss of income due to lawyer consultations and court appearances, dependency on the mother to when and/or if he sees his kids. Stress and frustration causes him to behave out of character.

The mother with assurances from her legal representation, maps out her future. Maintains the rage, keep custody of the children at all costs, stay put until property settlement, is financially supported by the government, nights out with the girls, etc; Life as normal without a partner.

The mother having interim custody of the children applies for Child Support. She having spilled her version out to them, told them of the court orders and what a deadbeat her ex is. Dad gets notification he has to pay 'x' amount based on his previous years earnings. Dad tells them he can't afford that much, he has had to set up new accommodation, pay for lawyers, still paying debts from the relationship, over compensates spending on the children due to the situation, loss of income due to appointments and court, possible loss of job due to stress and/or excessive time off. CSA tells him to apply for a Change of Assessment, takes 3 months, pays what he can and gets letters of demand from CSA for the remainder. CoA allows minimal change if any at all. The CSA considers him a 'risk' and garnishes his income.

His lawyer long ago told him the system is against him so to expect very little. If the father has the strength and resources to get to the final hearing for custody, he finds the mothers lawyer promotes the Restraining Order, his lack of adequate accommodation, his unstable income, his failure to pay full child support, erratic behaviour and so on. How the mother has maintained a stable environment for the children and her nurturing nature that the children respond to. The court takes all into consideration, it's unscripted policies and awards the majority of care to the mother. The father walks from court a beaten man.

The above-mentioned generalised scenario is a demonstration of how psychological violence against fathers is institutionalised in Australia. Fathers walk away from their family because of it. Our children witness it and react adversely to it. Dads commit murder and suicide because of it. The list is endless. IT HAS TO STOP !



Family Courts Violence Review , October 2009, pdf download
http://www.mensrights.com.au/FC%20Violence%20Review%20MRA%20reply2%20revised.pdf

Who's side are they on?

There are a number of websites on the net and forums within, dealing with CSA and child support issues. One such website is the FamilyLawWebGuide. It's intentions are honourable, but the so called experts whom moderate it are questionable. I have had minimal dealings with the site and from my own experience, it seems if one questions the advice of the experts or points out their shortcomings, you are likely to receive a warning. I was given warnings, was told I was a smartalec, arrogant and impudent. In all, three moderators requested my being banned from the site. The head moderator sent me a courtesy email stating I was suspended for 5 days because my postings were not in the 'spirit of co-operation'.

These same FLWG moderators whom requested my being banned , I found amongst other traits, to be sometimes vulgar, rude, inciteful and lacking in expertise. A read through members posts, (if not deleted), reflect views that reiterate a number of my own, plus views the sites moderators are pro-government, self indulgent, overstepping in their authority, lack humour, deny free speech, etc;

The power of the moderators is such they can ban someone without giving a reason or warning. To a point I don't have a problem with this power towards people whom merely sign-up to post offensive and slanderous rubbish. But should someone be banned because they question the validity of the moderators floundering knowledge? Or suspended because they oppose the moderators views? I think not.

No-one questions the FLWG site more than the person whom runs the blog, exposethetruth08. It is stated in the blogs title page;
"This blog was set up to comment on the sham website www.familylawwebguide.com.au and the injustices that they commit, the lies they tell and to correct the misleading statements they perpetuate."

This blogger I believe has some serious personal issues with the moderators of FLWG. It is apparent they are very bitter, vindictive and angry. Exposethetruth08 goes to great lengths and no doubt does some serious web surfing to find anything condemning the moderators, freely naming names and makes outlandish assumptions. No doubt there is some truths to be found within the blog, but it is also obvious s/he has little respect for the truth, as much of the blog is devoted to slander.

This blogger doesn't stop at just the moderators, anyone whom posts on the FLWG is potential for targeting. I, amongst others were attacked by exposethetruth08 and I gave her a piece of my mind. In response, exposethetruth08 dedicated a whole blog post to me and slandered my name with not even a whiff of truth in the rantings. Everything said about me opposes the blogs opening statement, there's nothing but lies, misleading statements and assumptions. If the attack on me is typical, then the blog has no credence whatsoever. In my view, exposethetruth08 blog is far more a sham than what it claims of the FLWG.

So whose side are these people on? Obviously, not for the good of all or even a few if their use of these sites is to push their own views, display power and/or to denigrate others, all under a veil of good intentions. In both, narcissist personalities get in the way of moral and ethical dispensing of the truth and facts both claim to be advocating.

I'm sure there are many more sites in cyber space just like these, with people all too eager to delete you at the hint of you questioning their so called expertise, knowledge or assumptions. Not to mention a fast and fatal response if you send any criticism their way. What they don't seem to realise is they become their own worse enemies, turn away many a reader/participant and have people like me discussing their failings.